A Taste of My Writing

Today I'm going to post the beginning of one of my fiction stories.  The working title is Pulse.  I tried to keep it short, 444 words.  (Please note that I will never post an entire story, but only excerpts.  This is for future publication rights reasons.) 

Let me know what you think of my writing style, the story itself, anything.  I welcome your comments.  If you don't like something, tell me that, too.  I can not improve without honest feedback.

Thanks for reading!


excerpt from Pulse:

We moved to the rhythm of the techno music, pulsing along with the heavy bass and flashing lights.  It was a sexual dance of forbidden lust with a man I didn’t know.

He had approached me on the dance floor, coming up behind me and melting with the movement of my body as I danced.  His hands found my hips and pulled me closer, seaming the length of our bodies together.  We danced thus until he twirled me around to face him.

His beauty, for that’s what it was, was astonishing.  He was the picture of perfection in that atmosphere.  And he had an unearthly aura about him.  It drew me in and held me captive until all I knew was his presence.

            I had a happy amount of alcohol working on me, but I didn’t need it.  He had a sexual power that no amount of alcohol could match.  A power no other man had ever held over me.

            We melted together, face to face, as the music wove its seductive rhythm around us, compelling our bodies to rock, dip, and sway.  His face hovered tantalizingly close—close enough to feel the electrical charge from his skin to mine without actually touching.

            When his hands roamed across the bare skin of my back, I could feel electrical pulses flowing from them.  He traced the line of my spine with his fingertips, under my hair and up to my head.  He gripped me then, taking a handful of hair and pulling my lips to within millimeters of his, teasing me with his sweet breath while his eyes raked my face.

            I was just able to register the minty essence before he crushed my mouth with his.  It was a hard, deep kiss, full of passion and heat.  He tasted like a fresh sprig of peppermint.

            He drew me into a hallway lined with the bodies of would-be lovers.  As he worked me backward toward the wall, couples parted and a space opened to allow us our own piece of vertical support.

            The pounding beat vibrated within my chest.  The pulsing lights etched color into my brain.  The hard body of the man in front of me burned an unfathomable need between my legs.

                        His head dipped, lips meeting my throat.  Gentle at first, his kiss became an intense suckling.  His teeth grated on my skin, evoking a cry of passion from my lips.

            The presence of the others around us began to fade.  The intense colors blurred into a watery spectrum.  We were invisible.  There was only the two of us in our carnal bubble, shielded by the magic this man seemed to weave.