I knew it was coming. The first notice came from corporate six
months ago. There’s been plenty of time
to plan for the inevitable, but I didn’t expect it to come so abruptly. I guess since all the inventory from my store
is to be added to the other branch, the big wigs at corporate decided it would
be easier to just close mine and empty it during daylight hours.
Devon, Justin, and I got severance,
but that’s because we’re salary. Still,
it would have been nicer if they had offered us positions at other
branches. Now we’re left with our
severance pay and any vacation or sick time we had accrued.
I’m completely devastated at the
loss. I mean, I’ll have plenty of money
to hold me over for a good while, but I had my heart and soul in that
store. It was my pride. It gave me a sense of success, like I had
finally done something worthwhile.
I worked hard to get there. I gave them ten years of my life. I cherished the day I was made store manager.
Well, that’s all over now. Now I’m just Dana Handen, another statistic
of the unemployment office. Not that I
qualify for unemployment. I was told
that my severance agreement was too “lofty” to qualify me. Isn’t that some B.S.?
I brought home all my things from my
office this afternoon. I took some
things that weren’t really mine since they were purchased with corporate funds,
but I don’t care. They’re not going to
do anything with that stuff. They don’t
even know what the money went to. For
all they know, I used it to buy reams of paper and ink cartridges for the
printer. It’s only office supplies
anyway. Things like organizers and
whatnot that helped me make my desk a little more workable.
Sunday, April 12
I just got home from the
hospital. Dad had a “mild” heart attack,
though how a heart attack can be “mild” is beyond my comprehension. Seems to me that if your heart wants to quit
working it’s a pretty serious thing.
The doctors said he’s going to be
fine. They’re keeping him for
observation for a few days. He didn’t
need any heroics or surgery to save his life—thank God—but they still want to
monitor him.
I say, “Good.” They should monitor him. Maybe this will be what finally gets him to
slow down.
Wednesday, April 15
“When it rains, it pours.” Whoever came up with that phrase should get a
Nobel Prize of some sort.
Rich just left. . .with all his
stuff, and without his key. He came over
this afternoon to tell me he’s been seeing another woman. Apparently, it’s been going on for quite a
while—about seven months.
Of course, it’s all my fault. I was so engrossed in my career that he felt
neglected, so he sought attention elsewhere.
Why couldn’t he just come to me about it? I’d have given him more time. I would have stayed home more. Why did he just leave me behind? After four years together, he dumped me like
I was no big deal.
He said he’s been friends with this
woman for a long time, and she was there for him in my absence. That means that I must know her. I wonder which bitch it could be.
Later. . .
I just got off the phone with
Carmen. She was sympathetic with my
woes, but it didn’t feel like she was entirely sincere. Maybe I’m just becoming suspicious of anyone
that was around Rich. I mean, come on,
Carmen and I have been friends for at least ten years. She would never do anything like that.
I don’t think she really cared
though. She and Rich never really got
along too well. Sometimes I got the
impression that they tolerated each other just to amuse me. That being said, I was definitely having a
bit of paranoid delusion even toying with the idea that it’s her Rich has been
seeing.
Saturday, April 18
I just want to die. I have nobody to turn to anymore. My parents are both in the hospital after Dad
had another “minor” heart attack. Rich
left me for my best friend. And my car
is totaled.
Oh yeah, it was Carmen that Rich was seeing.
I saw the two of them at a café yesterday as I was walking by. They were hanging all over each other. Laughing and giggling like high school lovers. I guess they feel like they don’t have to
hide anymore.
What’s worse is that another of our
mutual friends was with them. That means
I’m the only one who didn’t know. That
means I can’t trust anybody.
Wait, wait. It gets even better. I was so upset that I managed to slide my car
sideways into a telephone pole on the way home.
I took the turn at the end of my road too fast—way too fast—and ended up with the right side of my car wrapped
around the telephone pole on the corner.
The ambulance took me to the hospital, but they pronounced me ok to go
home.
I called a cab. I don’t feel like seeing any of my friends
right now. I feel so betrayed by all of
them. I didn’t even tell my parents. They don’t need any more worries.
I need to go open another bottle of
wine. This one’s empty already.
Sunday, April 19
Wow.
I woke up with one hell of a headache this morning. Maybe I should space out my alcohol a little
more. To be honest, I’m surprised I was
able to make it through three bottles of wine.
I should’ve been asleep well into the first one. I’ll have to make a trip to the liquor store
to replenish my stock.
I noticed that the previous page of
my journal has some splotches or red wine and some smeared spots that could
only be tear stains. Oh well, it’s well
deserved. I’ve been through a lot in the
past week.
Evening. . .
I’ve made a wonderful meal of ramen
noodles complimented with a glass of white wine. It’s good to have comfort food in times of
self-wallowing. Everyone should have such
a food.
I stocked up well at the store. Not only did I buy several bottles of white
and red wine, I also bought bottles of Maker’s Mark, Bombay Sapphire, Crown
Royal, and Absolute. I figured I should
stock up my entire bar.
Later. . .
Well, one bottle of wine is gone
already, and I’ve broken into the whiskey.
It’s amazing how the alcohol can help to drown your sorrows. I’ve got some movie on the TV, but I don’t
know what it’s called. (I can’t read the
title at the bottom of the screen because it’s blurry.)
Wednesday, April 22
I was woken up this morning by my
mother who must have called at least four times until I answered. I didn’t really want to deal with her because
my head is killing me, but I wanted to know how Daddy is fairing.
I can’t remember anything but little
snatches since last I wrote. I have
noticed that most of the alcohol I bought over the weekend is gone. And I must have been coherent enough to eat because
the noodles are gone, too. Guess I’ll be
making another trip to the store.
Maybe I should go clothes shopping,
just to get out of the house. I wish I
could call Carmen and ask her to go. I
think she called sometime during my stupor, but I didn’t want to talk to
her. I wonder if she knows why I haven’t
called.
Afternoon. . .
Well, I just spent $200 on new
clothes. I don’t need any of it, but it
sure felt good to spend money. I got
some really cute things, too. My
favorite is a blue sundress the color of the summer sky.
I went to Jonny’s Pub for
lunch. They have good food. I might have gotten a little tipsy with the
wine, but so what?
I also stopped off to restock the
bar, since it seems to diminish quickly as of late.
Friday, April 24
I need to go the liquor store
again. There’s a guy coming over that I
met at the bar last night. He seems to
be a nice guy. He’s good-looking, at
least. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.
Oh, and I’ve been ignoring Carmen’s
calls. She stopped by last night while I
was out and left a note on my door saying she’s worried about me. I threw it out.
Saturday, April 25
Well, last night went well. Dave, that guy from the bar, came over. He just left.
We got sloshy drunk.
He also had some coke—as in
cocaine. First time I ever tried that,
and I loved it. It was better than
alcohol. It actually allowed me to drink
more. And boy, oh boy, did we have fun
with that stuff. We started in the
living room—sofa, recliner, floor. Then
we made it to the kitchen—floor, counter.
We stopped at the stairs—bottom and top.
We went to bed, then took a shower.
We finally ended up back in bed.
I have never had such an erotic
experience. I hope he calls again.
Sunday, April 26
Dave came over again last
night. We had an equally erotic night as
before. He’s supposed to pick me up
later and take me to lunch.
That’s one thing I noticed about the
coke—I don’t eat as much. Maybe I can
lose some weight before bathing suit season.
Evening. . .
Dave and I had a great lunch,
followed by a private little party at his place. When he brought me home, we partied a little
more.
It’s nice not having to go to work
and still having money. I can do what I
want, and Dave pays for the extravagant accessories. We make a good pair, I think.
Thursday, April 30
Carmen came by around noon. We talked on the porch. She basically told me I look like crap—my
hair is dull, my skin pale, and I’ve lost weight. I told her that maybe it was a side effect of
having my world crash around me and losing my best friends in the process. She played like she didn’t understand, so I
told her to run along to Rich and leave me alone. Then I came inside and closed the door on
her.
Dave should be here soon. I can’t wait.
I need a bump to cauterize my frayed nerves.
Friday, May 1
It’s 9am and I haven’t slept
yet. I was so irate about Carmen’s visit
yesterday that Dave left me some powder before he left last night. I did most of it over the course of the
night. At one point I got so hot, I went
for a swim.
I’m going to see how long I can go
without sleep. Dave’s bringing me some
more at lunch. I think he might be a
dealer. . .
Later. . .
5pm, still no sleep. Dave and I are going out dancing
tonight. That should be fun. The man definitely has rhythm, so he should
be a good dancer. Well, I’m gong to get
ready.
Saturday, May2
We danced all night, came home at
3am and went swimming. We spent some
quality time in the hot tub.
It’s now 11am and I still have yet
to sleep. That’s about 50 hours without
sleep. I’ll go to be tonight, promise.
Carmen keeps calling and leaving
messages. I want nothing to do with
her. Why can’t she just admit that she
screwed me over in the worst way and let me get on with my life?
I need a line.
Sunday, May 3
It’s 3am. I haven’t been able to sleep because Carmen
keeps calling. Every time she calls I do
another line. (Dave left me with a
pretty big bag.) I can’t help it. Her voice irritates me with her whining and pleading. The coke makes me feel better.
I think I’ll go for a swim. It might help me burn off some of this nervous
energy. Not to mention my anger. Two more line first, though, for that extra
boost.
Former GM for Upscale Kitchen
Store
Found at Bottom of Pool
Monday May 4—The body of former
general manager for the upscale kitchen store, Sensible Essence, was found
early this morning lying at the bottom of her pool. Carmen Daily called police when she stopped
by to check on her friend, Dana Handen, and found her body.
Police found about $2000 worth of cocaine
in the woman’s home. Autopsy results are
pending, but the presumed cause of death is drowning due to a cocaine overdose.
Daily stated that Handen had never before
used the narcotic. She said Handen was
“straight edge” and would never have touched drugs. She did say that Handen’s world had “crashed
around her,” however, and that her friend had severely declined since being
laid off by the Sensible Essence Corporation less than one month ago.
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